Conflicted

I am not built to handle conflict. I suppose none of us are, if it comes to that, but my past makes it especially difficult for me to face. I have unplugged my phone, turned off my mobile, and changed a few online settings. Some people are better at dealing with this stuff. Well, that ain’t me. The first sign of a raised voice or attack to my person and I threaten to shatter into a million pieces.

Someone has chosen to hate me (or certainly to act like it) and make my life difficult. Yes, we have a full-blown personality clash, though they had that with more than just me. I do not understand how someone can so fully abdicate their personal responsibility and then hurl insults and threats on top of that. Well, be it on their conscience, though it’s still me, not them, who has to deal with the consequences.

So please forgive me if I am a little fragile for some time to come. It takes me a long while to recover from conflict, because it is absolute horror to me – trauma, essentially, like a deep wound to the soul. Perhaps someday I will heal enough to be able to withstand these things better, but in the meantime, don’t mind me if I hide away for a while.